I sit here creating my website and viewing the T.V. on mute.  I have came across a point in my life where I have determined that everything and everybody around me, or the fact that there is no one around me, brings me to the conclusion that there is nothing that matters to me.  I have for the first time in my life, decided that i simply do not care to exist.  The only thing in this world, 2 of 1 thing, that keeps me alive is my Son, Jesse Mazzik Scheidt, and my best friend and only true friend, Elsbeth.  

         "she is not scared to die.  Best things in life drive her to cry..."

Desire.  That which is not.  ANd that which is to come and has passed.  How can I explain what i feel when i don't know how to explain what I feel.  the only person in my life, in life that understands me is not here with me.  

"yea..  You are.  
my fire.

         The one. 

                       Desire.

Believe, when i say.

I want it that away."

Tell me why.  Ain't nothing but a headache.  a mistake.  a depression brought on by a undescrible desire.   i cannot explain what it is that i feel for this person that runs through my veins.  I'm watching the television, thinking that i have no desire to watch this shit on the tv.

My son.  My little mirror that shows into a part of me that has never left me, but was forgotten before it was created.  He is such an insparation in me to the fact that everyone still has a child within them.  He makes me laugh and enjoy life when there is nothing more to enjoy.

Tigger, mi tigger, this is the reason that i believe that I was born.  This person brings more joy in my life than anything and anyone else that i know.

"When I grow up..."

How can i explain what it is that i feel.  "entertain you.. celebrate you.   "  then again.  "Sucks to be you."

Music is an inspiration in my life.  I play the bass, listen to it at work and in the car, and every where i go.  if there is no music on, it's playing within my head.

Spit.  Screw you.   Spit.   "the guy who crept through the shadows every day....."

".. god speed.. MAY YOUR DEATh COME QUICKLY!!!"     

         Leave

for anyone who reads this.   explaination of the left grave that can not be explained by the ramblings of the thoughts with in my mind.  I am depressed to a point that i wish by some part of me, that i will NEVeR return from.  a moment to list words to my friends...

Crystal, Kim, Stephanie (S, X, cleveland now norfolk, down south in flintstone)

Or, more importantly, has the line between fantasy and reality been crossed?